My Noxy Troubles
by NeverThink
Summary: Totally random and completely AU. But... very serious! JD accidentally unleashes a terrible force upon the world; Sacred Heart is soon home to three devilish creatures of the night. Once again, very AU. Please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

_**Set during season 2. It came to me in a dream...**_

~~~#~~~

Let's start at the end...

It's easy to see why the regular folk may mistake them for vampires, when in actual fact they are not a member of that mythical race. Only very few of the humans have actually seen them for what they are and lived to tell the tale; although the trauma had sent them mad. Perhaps this is another acceptable reason for this capes, coffins and bats nonsense that the public drivelled into the media. There are a few similarities but mainly a whole bunch of differences, brought up by their very last victim to date. He wanted to tell the world what they really were before his untimely death. He said it all into the tape recorder:

_They're like vampires but not, uh, Jesus Christ... fangs, yeah they ain't got no fangs. But their teeth are hard. Freakin' hard. They can chew through the flesh, muscle, whatever. Shit. I can hear them... uh, pale, very pale, but that's nothing to do with blood, I read that book – that old book! Betsy gave it to me... oh, Betsy... um don't mistake their charms, it's all a rouse._

_Ah, shit, they've found me. Okay, real quick – they don't want to drink your blood, they want to reproduce, that's why it seems like you become one of them afterwards – crap... they're at the door!_

_Nox Noctis Peregrinus – that's what they're called. We call 'em the Noxy. It translates, but... no. No, they're here. Ah... ah...!_

This is where the tape recorder cuts off. And that was the last victim of the Nox Noctis Peregrinus.

One Percival Ulysses Cox.

~~~#~~~

Back to the beginning...

They were sat in the cafeteria eating their lunch when JD held up the book for all to see. "I bought it at a creepy Halloween-y place downtown."

It was large, bigger than his head, and thick with yellowing pages that were crisp-sharp at the ends. The cover was leather, dark red and look like it had been waxed on. Golden words were printed on the side, front and back of the book, saying the words: "Ancient Dark Spirits". A piece of silken string held a chapter where the last person had been reading up to, and this is where JD opened it. Inside, the pages seemed clean and unnaturally kept for such an old-looking book. The words were laid on in ink, and the pictures drawn on. On the page that JD had it open, there were small words scribbled everywhere as if this was just a notebook belonging to a messy writer, and the inked drawing was of a person with another person chewing on their arm.

"Eww." Elliot crinkled her nose at the picture, and at the odd odour that the book had released.

"Vampires!" JD grinned excitedly. "But all this is in Latin, except for that poem. I bought it so that I could find some authentic lines for Dr Acula, which we start filming for real tonight, Turk. No more cell phone cameras, actual big ones this time!"

"Awesome, dude!" Turk high-fived his Vanilla Bear and pointed at the image before them. "That looks more like a flesh-eating zombie than a vampire."

"The store clerk insisted I was on the right page," JD frowned. "Besides, it was only when I got home that I realised the poem was the only thing not in a different language. But we can still use it, it sounds so cool."

"Hey, baby, you're Latina, right?" Turk asked. "You could translate it for us!"

"You guys are idiots." Carla announced, using her spoon to play with her soup.

"I actually think that they're being productive," Elliot grinned into her sandwich. "I wish I had half the attitude to keep at something like that. I usually get bored after a few weeks."

"I could never get bored of my screenplay," JD looked sad for a moment. "Anyway, Turk, help me with this. How can I get this poem into the scene where Dr Acula announces his undying love for Dr Largenboobies?"

"I dunno, just stick it in." Chocolate Bear shrugged. "When a dude starts rambling on with big words and that, no one really listens. They just go 'ooh the writer must be clever to come up with that'."

"That's true," Carla nodded. "But you're still both idiots."

"Alright," JD ignored that comment and scribbled down something in the book. "How's this sound? _Dr Acula turns to Dr Largenboobies, bracket, with sad eyes, end bracket, and says: O ye of humble mind, studious words of kind, speak with confident strife, plunge heartily the word-smith's knife, cast the spell of ages, shatter the love with delicate pages, and not for the fragile day-walkers sake, from our slumber we shall awake._" JD rubbed his forehead and shook his head. "No, that sounds like nonsense. Scrap that."

"True that," Turk was also looking confused. "There was nothing good there. I still say you throw a werewolf in there or something."

"That's too obvious!" JD sighed. "Ah well, I'll figure out something. Hey guys, you all coming round to ours tonight to christen our new video game, right?"

"I'm not really into games," Carla mused, staring at her now empty plate. "But I guess if it means drinking wine, then sure. Plus I do kinda live there, you know."

"Oh yeah," Turk pretended to have forgotten, stroking his chin wisely and smiling broadly at his girlfriend.

"I like video games!" Elliot shrieked. "Seriously, once, we had this way cool racing game at home and me and my brother would constantly play on it and try to win each other but I would always beat him because of my bicep-strong pinkie-fingers and thumbs."

"Nice story," Carla joked.

And so commenced the lunch time chatter. Unbeknownst to them, the 'poem' spoken by John Michael Dorian was slowly but surely awakening a dark ancient force. And the world would never be the same again.


	2. Chapter 2

**_I hope you guys enjoyed the first chapter, and a apologise for the shortness of these. But if I write anymore I know I'll just ruin it and I'm really looking forward to doing a good story. Also, I have no idea what pace this fic will have so bear with me. Thank you and enjoy! xxxNTxxx_**

Two Weeks Later...

The girl was easily just twenty years old, and teetering on the spot. She had wandered into Sacred Heart with a stare fixated on her face, and waited patiently until a nurse had shown her to a consult room. Now she stood in the doorway, clutching the back of her neck and wincing in her pain. Her doctor, John Doran, gave her a quizzical look and ushered her further into the room so that she might sit down on the chair and let him look her over. Well... she was quite beautiful. She had perfect features and satin soft blonde hair that reached down to the small of her back. Her lips were rosy red and her skin was a pale peach. Her eyes – oh God those eyes – were piercing blue. JD gulped as she looked up at him, trying not to lose control.

"Alright, what seems to be the problem?" He asked, trying to act professional (although in his mind, they were already doing it on the table).

"I think I've caught something from a bug," She grimaced. "I felt this really sharp pain in the back of my neck, and when I reached over, I was bleeding, see?"

JD squinted to where she had been holding her neck, and saw the tiniest of nicks that was bleeding quite frequently but not in great quantities. It did look like a spider bite or something along those lines. "Why do you think you've caught something?"

"As soon as I spotted it," She shook her head and laughed a little bit. "This is going to sound so childish, but I began to feel sick! And I don't usually mind blood that much. The colour is just draining from my face, I mean, I used to have a pretty cool tan from my holiday to Morocco earlier this year, and now look."

JD stared at her peachy skin again. There was no signs of a tan anywhere, not even a recovering sunburn. "I see... well, we'll do some tests then, and see if there are any foreign substances in your body. For now I'll have a nurse show you to your room."

~~~#~~~

JD had taken a blood and urine sample from the girl, who he now knew was called Miss Rochelle Hatchet, and sent them off to the labs to be determined. Meanwhile, he had left her in the capable hands of a random intern as he felt now was a good time to find Turk and explain his reasoning behind 'World's Most Giant Doctor: Fair Ground Edition'. He found his buddy just where he'd expect him; at the nurses' station, cooing over Nurse Espinosa. So he called out his Choco-Bears code name and stood beside them.

"Hey JD," Turk answered back. "Sup?"

"Nothing much..." JD kept himself contained for a couple of seconds before jumping into a parallel position to Turk and lifting his right hand up in an 'ok' gesture, which he moved forward with every syllable of his next question. "How would you like to see... World's Most Giant Doctor... in a fair ground?"

Turk's eyes widened, whilst Carla's just rolled and she moved away to do other things. Her boyfriend let out a girlish squeal and hugged JD. "Thank you God for giving me the greatest buddy in the world!"

"I know, right?" JD laughed.

At this point, Elliot appeared and smiled broadly at them. "Hey guys, what are you up to?"

"I've found my calling in life," JD enthused. "Seriously, I'm never giving up on this one."

"Like you said about Dr Acula," Carla pointed out at this point as she filed some papers nearby. "But look where that ended up! You gave up after a day."

"Aw, no!" Elliot complained. "I was so looking forward to reading that script."

"Meh," JD shrugged it off. "I have more important things to be doing these days."

"Like your job, maybe?" Carla laughed. "You've got a patient in room 106 waiting for you. Miss Hatchet?"

"Oh yeah..." JD grimaced. "I was waiting for the bloods but I guess I should at least go see her. Hey, Turk, I might even need a medical consult with this one."

"I'm here if you need me, V-Bear."

~~~#~~~

JD skipped his way to room 106 to check on that patient from before – on his way he remembered just how much of a hottie she had been, and suddenly found himself in a fantasy world, rubbing oil all over her and licking it off... but then, as he finally made it into the room, he snapped right out of it and blinked several times. She was laid on the bed, as smokin' as ever, with a large bandage taped to the side of her neck where the bug bite had been. She was wincing in pain, and clutching her stomach, and her skin tone had faded at an incredibly pace. JD frowned and walked over, checking her chart twice before speaking.

"Who put that on?" He poked at the bandage.

"Ow!" She complained. "A nurse did it. She said it was bleeding too much."

"It was only a nick..." He proceeded to undo the nurses' handiwork so that he could find out just how much blood there really was, and found that it was literally gushing from her. "Whoa! That thing got big. Did you do anything to it?"

"No... what do you mean?" She looked horrified at this notion. JD didn't want her to get too worried so he put the bandage back on and shook his head.

"Nothing to worry about, sorry." He looked down at her chart again, and began to scribble on it. "Just... a couple... of things... your blood-work should be back relatively soon so in the meantime, just... stay comfortable."

"Okay, doctor."

He slid from the room and leaned against the wall outside, letting out a puff of breath. That small bite was no longer so small. Now it looked like someone had sliced into her with a knife and then wiggled it around! Plus, her skin had been snow white. Something funny was going on, and he needed to find out as soon as he could so that he could treat this... what? New disease? Had he, John Dorian, discovered a new disease? This actually made him feel quite proud, and he began to gangster-walk down the hallway.

~~~#~~~

The bloods were done. JD didn't look at them straight away, he instead waited until he was walking into the room to read the papers before him. He didn't even take much notice as to what she looked like now, because in his head, fireworks and alarms were going off; this was due to the fact that the bloods were completely... off the scale! According to the machines, some of the strands of DNA in her body were foreign – completely different to that of a human being.

"Err, Miss Hatchet, I don't actually know quite how to put this." He frowned at the chart, eyes gawking at the results. "Apparently you don't have human blood, but I'm sure that it was just a mistake. Do you mind if I take another sample and do some more tests?"

At this point, he flipped down the chart and looked at her. His eyes widened.

Rochelle Hatchet was crouched on the bed, with one hand down and the other hanging in the air as if to balance. Her skin was exactly white, that blonde hair perfectly sleek and tidy, her eyes were blood red, and her lips bore the smile of evil. A small slither of blood dribbled from her mouth. There was a nurse, sprawled across the bed, covered in blood and assumedly dead; considering the large chunk that had been taken from her side and back. Rochelle was staring at JD with those terribly red eyes. She tilted her head to the right, and hissed:

"_Esuritio._"

**_Please review! xxxNTxxx_**


	3. Chapter 3

**_And I'm back. Hope you're liking this completely AU and frankly creepy look at Scrubs! Things will be explained shortly, but so far you just have to go on what was said in the very first chapter, with the tape recording. Anyhoo, onwards. Enjoy! xxxNTxxx_**

Miss Hatchet hissed one more time, bearing her teeth like an animal and edging slightly further towards the end of the bed, where JD was shakily staring at the sight before him. The dead nurse was bleeding out, being guarded by the inhuman figure like a lion would with its kill. JD blinked a couple of times, hoping that he was just stuck in a terrible day dream, but when after the fifteenth blink, nothing changed, he gulped and dropped the chart so that it hit his toe painfully. The noise it made caused Rochelle to smile further and lick her teeth. JD moved backwards, eyes darting at the door that was open; yet no one had decided to look in and check up on the patient.

"I know what you're thinking," Rochelle suddenly spoke, her voice angelic yet still the same as ever. "You're going to try to run."

"You... talk?" JD found himself asking, because this was the first thing every man should ask a flesh eating creature, right? He cursed on the inside and glanced at the door again, praying for someone to notice.

"You keep looking at the door, why?" Rochelle whispered, still in a hunting stature. "I know why. You want to run away and pretend you never saw any of this. Stupid human."

JD gulped. He no longer found the will to speak. He couldn't keep his eyes from darting between her, the nurse and the door. Over and over again. Like he was stuck on reply. Or a broken DVD, scratched sensitive so that it could only play the same moment over and over. He felt like time was slowed down. Rochelle was wheezing a laugh now. The room was so still.

And the JD decided; to hell with this! He was going to be brave! He was going to do the right thing! And no, he was _not _going to run away. But he would be the hero. He took a deep breath and bolted towards the door – the sudden movement angered Rochelle and she launched herself from the bed by powerful upper body strength just as he slammed the door shut on himself. In his mind, he hoped to God that no one else would get killed, so as he was grabbed from behind and wrenched across the room, he was glad that he had shut the door so that she wouldn't think to go out and kill anyone else and wasn't bothered by his own fate.

He hit his head on the bed as he landed, and realized that perhaps she would kill again, and that her next victim would be his very good self. Dude, he thought to himself, why do you have to be so nice? He could've easily let her loose and ran away, selfishly kept himself safe whilst she destroyed the people who were already practically dead in here anyway... but no, he had chosen to protect, and as she loomed over him now, that smiled still painted on, the blood still dribbling from the corner of his mouth, he was actually pretty much pleased with his heroicness.

"Wrong move, doctor," She giggled, like a child, so that it echoed around his head in some kind of nightmarish way. It kind of made him think about all those little girls in horror films who are really evil and scary, which then made him day dream a little bit about how some characters survive in horror movies. Usually, when the main character is in a bit of a pickle, he would have a huge brain wave that would save him, like stabbing the monster in the heart with a dinner knife, or locking the monster in a cupboard as a head-start to get away and then think of a brilliant plan later.

"That's it!" He grinned.

"What?" Rochelle actually frowned, which was a great distraction for a couple of seconds whilst JD moved his feet up and fired them both into her stomach as hard as he could so that she fell backwards, now stood outside the toilet that comes with every room. She shook her head, disorientated, enough for JD to push her again and close the door on her. He heard her fall back with a bang, and he held the door shut when she tried to push it open again.

"Now what, genius?" He whispered to himself, knowing that he would eventually tire and have to let go. He used his foot to open the main door and look out onto the corridor. He saw the Janitor mopping a floor with his cart at his side. When JD zoomed in his vision, he saw the tool box on the cart. "Hey, hey Janitor!"

The Janitor stood, back to him, and visibly exhaled before turning around to face his enemy. "What?"

"Could you pass me that tool box?" JD yelled, almost letting go of the toilet door as Rochelle slammed into the other side again.

"Why don't you get it yourself?" The Janitor glared at him. "I'm not your donkey."

"I'm... a bit occupied at the moment!" JD spat as the door was nearly knocked open again. This was too much! "Please, just please pass me it!"

"Why do you even want my tool box?" The Janitor quizzed, finding this random moment incredibly amusing and different to his usually day-to-day experiences. He leaned against his mop and smirked.

"Okay, God's honest truth?" JD scowled, and a couple of doctors that were passing by glanced at him but continued on their way anyway. "There's a monster in the toilet! And if I let go of the door, she's gonna get out and kill a bunch of people, and there's already a dead nurse in here, so I want your tool box so that I can see if there are anything I could use in there to fuse the door shut and keep her away!"

"You're telling me," The Janitor moved forward now, dragging the mop cart along with him and then standing in the doorway. "That there is a female monster trapped in there?"

"Why else would the door be jiggling so much?" JD spluttered. "Please, just forget about how much you hate me and do something good for once!"

"That hurt me deep," The Janitor sighed. "But, I do love a good challenge, so I'll believe you."

"Really?" JD laughed manically. "Well, great! Erm, but I don't know how to use any DIY tools and stuff, I wouldn't know where to start."

"Come here," The Janitor leaned against the toilet door as well and removed JD, so that they had swapped places, and then grabbed his tool box. "Hey, there really is something in there! I can hear it scratching."

"I wasn't lying," JD frowned. "What are you doing?"

"I'm gonna mould the door shut." The Janitor raised his eyebrows twice with a wicked smile. "You go tell the CIA or something! Call the president!"

"O...kay." JD stared at the Janitor. "And you've got this covered?"

"Well, it's better than standing around mopping clean floors, right?"

JD laughed, unbelieving, turned and ran down the corridor. He needed to find Dr Cox and tell him everything! Maybe they'd have to quarantine the building? Or better yet, evacuate and nuke the place. All of the movie-ending possibilities were crowding his head as he charged about the hospital in a desperate attempt to find the real hero of the establishment. He finally found the man he was after in the ICU, writing on a chart and glancing at his patient.

"Dr Cox!" JD gasped, breathless from the running.

"What is it, Julia?" Dr Cox didn't look up from his work, merely groaned with some contempt.

"There's a monster in the hospital."

"Oh, puh-lease!" Dr Cox now snapped his head up, putting the chart under his arm and folding them after touching his nose, the classic 'I'm pissed now' sequence. "Frankly, I'm getting sick and tired of you and Ghandi's pathetic girlish games – I mean for God's sake, you're a freakin' doctor! And, hopefully, although I-could-be-wrong-so-don't-quote-me-on-it you're also an adult, now. There had _got _to be a line to draw around here when it comes to you and your damn fantasies. And don't be dragging me down to your level, that's a bad Newbie!"

JD shook his head vigorously and pointed in the direction of his patients room in case that might somehow help the situation. "No, seriously! There's a monster – it could be a vampire – in the hospital, and she's eating nurses and scratching on doors and-"

"Wa-wa-wa-wait." Dr Cox swished his hands back and forth as to express himself. "Skip back a couple there. She?"

"Yeah, it's my patient Miss Hatchet." JD frowned. "Anyway, the Janitor's holding her in the toilet but I don't think he can last that long, so I was thinking-"

"I'm afraid I'm gonna have to stop you again, there, dearest..." Dr Cox pinched the bridge of his nose. "You expect me to believe that there is a vampire in the building, and that it's a she, and that it's eating the nurses and that the Janitor is holding it in a toilet?"

"Well it might not be a vampire, and it ate one bit of one nurse, and the Janitor is gonna weld the door shut." JD nodded. "But basically, yeah."

"Oh dear God." Dr Cox looked to the ceiling before proceeding into his reasoning. "Okay. Number one – and this is quite important so listen up, Precious. The Janitor is a crazy man. He might believe that whatever poor sucker of a patient got locked in the toilet is a vampire _slash _monster, and he might be just darn insane enough to be humouring you. So why the hell should I believe this drivel? And secondly, _get back to work you incompetent, snivelling, terrible excuse for a doctor. _Do I make myself clear or does it need re-iterating?"

"I suppose not," JD turned on the spot, then back again, with a finger in there. "One point though, there really is a monster in that room. Can't you just come and see, please?"

Dr Cox sighed and shrugged, throwing the chart into its holder on the patient's bed and put his hands behind his head. "Go on then, Newbie. Lead the way."


End file.
